I cry when I watch movies or anything else for that matter.
However, if you are in a movie with me I will make sure that you don’t see me cry. I know…it’s weird, but it’s hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable. And, yes, I know. If you’re one of my clients and know how much I enjoy Brene Brown you know that I preach about vulnerability, but no one’s perfect!
Anyway, so now that you know I cry during movies it should be no surprise to you that I bawled when Professor Snape, from Harry Potter, dies. In Harry Potter, the person who you think is the bad guy, who has been a cause for someone’s pain and suffering –or who at least appears to be—turns out to be the person who was trying to save the hero of the movie.
It made me think of a couple things:
Perspective
My first thought was about perspective.
courtesy of Warner Bros.
This is something that I will often teach in anger management because the way we see things shapes our emotional expression. We’ll go back to the movie example:
Professor Snape, through the entire series, appears to be this villainous man who you are certain is luring him to Lord Voldemort. You want him to leave Harry Potter alone and you wish vengeful thoughts upon Snape.
But, in a beautiful and sad plot twist, at the scene of Snape’s death, you see that he vowed to protect Harry from evil. You see flashbacks that initially appeared to be Snape doing evil things, but in reality, he was helping Harry Potter.
In the quickest instant, he is now a beloved character because his behaviors have a new meaning. Now his death is a tragedy—cue the waterworks.
It’s so amazing! If you really stop to think about it and pay attention to the emotional experience of life. It can feel like a rollercoaster.
Interpretations
How often do we interpret situations, perhaps even react in an impulsive manner without having all of the facts?
I find that my mind often runs faster than I can keep up, and if I don’t keep it in check I can jump to conclusions. You know what they say about assumptions….
Both of these points have basically the same “fix”. The “fix” is the practice of being mindful. Being able to be in the moment and not in our heads. Practicing checking in with my thoughts and feelings to make sure I understand what is going on with myself.
I can’t tell you how often I talk to clients who say that they don’t know why they feel certain ways, or do certain things. However, often times when we are able to slow down our minds and pay attention to our thoughts, or body sensations, our environment, etc. we are given so many clues.
How to practice more mindful attention to our lives to prevent unhealthy reactions to life’s events:
- Ask yourself “do I have all of the information?” or “Is this a fair evaluation of events”
- Think of the acronym SOBER. I like this acronym because I have worked in addiction for a decade and sober thoughts/actions are more in control than those that are under the influence. SOBER stands for:
- Stop what you’re doing
- Observe your thoughts and feelings, and even environment
- Breathe. Take deep breaths and try to slow your mind.
- Evaluate the reality of the situation, and consequences of actions.
- React once you feel like you’re able to.
- Remember that there are always multiple perspectives to be taken and although we are very egocentric (we think others are like us), everyone has a unique approach to life.
- Problems do not need to be solved when you’re emotional. Take a time out to calm the mind and then come back to the problem. Most things in life are not in need of immediate solutions.
- Finally, whatever we think about we bring about—how am I shaping my reality today?
To schedule a consultation or schedule an appointment to address reshaping thoughts and perspectives go to my website.
