As therapists, there is an assumption that we have it all together. That we are so wise, and we have all of these good strategies, that we must use them all the time and everything goes right for us. Well, as much as I wish that were true, turns out that I, like other therapists, am human. I am not always the most mindful, and in fact, I can be quite mindless at times.
In my therapeutic approach, the main influences to working with clients are the use of mindfulness and dialectical behavior therapy. Mindfulness, to me, is such an important tool to learn because it helps us relieve a lot of unnecessary stress by attempting to practice being in the moment. When we do this we are attentive to our thoughts, feelings, and actions at any given moment. We learn better, remember better, and feel better.
But, we live in a world that demands a lot of us. We are constantly connected to our mobile devices, social media, television, emails, etc. This can leave us feeling overextended and focused on things from the past or things in the future. When we get into these states it is more of a mindless state. We go into automatic pilot—somethimes this is good, as it allows more energy to be placed elsewhere—but many times it can create problems for us. Here is my recent example of being mindless.
My Adventure
I had a session with a new client at 11 am, and typically intake appointments can run closer to 90 minutes than a usual 60 minutes session. Prior to my session, my mother-in-law was wondering if I had time to grab lunch with her and a few other family members. I let her know about my appointment, and we agreed to see how it went.
I wrapped up my appointment at about 12:30 and I had a text asking if I could come downtown for lunch (it’s a quick walk away). The text was time-stamped at 12:20 so I replied back that I had just ended my session and I would stay back as to not slow down any of their plans. My mother-in-law insisted that it would be no problem, so I let her know that I would walk down.
I was the only one at the office, so I needed to make sure to turn off the lights and lock the door. I went through my 
usual motions (automatic pilot) and started to walk to lunch. When I got about a third of the way down I suddenly thought to myself: “Did I lock the door?” A wave of anxiety rushed through me.
I attempted to calm myself by remembering that I had my keys in my hand as I walked out the door, so surely I locked it. I kept walking towards lunch because I did not want to inconvenience anyone, but couldn’t shake the thought that perhaps I left the door unlocked. Again, I reasoned with myself that if I hurry through lunch I can get back in quick order and no one would have the opportunity to find the place unlocked.
I arrived at lunch, and they had pretty much completed their sandwiches, but they welcomed me and I ordered a sandwich for myself. Lunch was great. Filled with laughs and good conversations, and I was able to be present for the most part, but every now and then I would catch myself thinking about the office, and the possibility of it being ransacked.
As conversation wrapped up I felt that anxiety start to creep back in and I was ready to walk back to the office to hopefully ease my mind. We said our goodbyes, and I walked at a brisk pace back to the office; All the while running various scenarios through my head. I got to the office, and surprise…it was locked. Of course, I was relieved but also frustrated with myself that I had been so mindless and distracted that I let this situation take up so much space in my head.
The Lesson:
We all have these moments. Our brains are always thinking and doing. However, learning to slow down and give more attention to our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions actually saves us energy, time, and hardship.
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment. This is a practice that even skilled people struggle with. Most people give up on the practice because they determine that they are not good at it (judgment) or that it didn’t work for them. But, this is true for everyone in the beginning.
Our minds are trained to be busy and to be doing constantly. Our work is to learn to slow it down. Create more focus and intention. Be present in our lives and not live in our heads. Like any muscle, you have to train it to build strength. You cannot decide one day that you are going to be mindful and expect yourself to be perfect at it.
Ways to practice mindfulness:
- Create space for meditation in your day. Even starting out with a handful of minutes every day is better than nothing. And, remember, if you are new to the process you’re probably not going to be good at it. Just gently remind yourself to focus on your breathing.
- Try to do everyday tasks with a little more presence. If you are out walking, try to pay attention to the sensations around you: sights, sounds, smells. Try to feel what it feels like to walk, the pressure of your feet hitting the ground, the rhythm and pace you walk. You can do this with anything.
- Try to catch yourself when your mind is wandering to future or past thoughts and gently bring yourself back to the present. This is the effort it takes to rewire your brain, and it’s possible to do so. Every time you gently and non-judgmentally remind yourself to come back to the present you strengthen that response and work to weaken that automatic drifting to the past or future.
- Try to observe your thoughts. Perhaps picture them as clouds in the sky, or leaves floating down a stream. Allow them to pass naturally. We do well to remember that everything is temporary. Thousands of thoughts run through our head, automatically, every day. Thoughts are not facts. However, if we over-identify with them they become our truth. Just observe.
Hopefully, integrating even some of these practices can help you be more present in your life, and improve your sense of wellbeing. Contact Jolene at Mindful Wellness Counseling to set up your free 15-minute consultation and find out how mindfulness may be able to help you!
