Several years ago I was attending a training, and during a break, I got on my phone to peruse good ol’ Facebook, and I am glad I did.
A childhood friend I knew had posted that she felt like she was having a panic attack. Being the happy helper I am I felt like I needed to reach out. We had not talked in over a decade, so I was a little nervous about interjecting myself into her life (which is weird considering that is basically the gist of Facebook….), but I opened up a private message and gave her some helpful strategies to use.
She messaged me back about an hour later and thanked me because she did all that I suggested and she was able to calm herself down. I felt a lot of pride in being able to help her, and there is this feeling of validation in the tools you teach when someone says they used them and they worked.
When you’re anxious or in distress it can be difficult to access the rational part of our mind. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy it is explained that we have 3 states of mind: Emotional, Rational, and Wise.
When we are in our emotional mind we are operating off of pure emotion. This can feel really good if the emotions that we are experiencing are pleasant, but not so great if we are experiencing unpleasant emotions. We tend to be impulsive in our actions and in what we say and think. We have very limited access to our rational mind.
Our rational mind is the part of us that is very logical. It can be hard to see why this could be a bad thing, however, when we are operating solely out of our rational mind we forget to think about the emotions. We make decisions only based on logic. This can also be a very isolating way to be as we start to disconnect ourselves from others emotionally.
Our wise mind is the balance of the emotional and the rational sides of our mind. However, in order to get this balance, we have to create awareness of our states of mind and find ways to cope to be able to move into a wise mind state.
Anxiety is an unpleasant emotion for many. And when anxiety is high and possibly bordering on panic you need skills to help you ground yourself to be able to calm the mind and move into a wise mind state.
5 things you can do when you’re anxious.
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Make sure you take deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling.
- Paying attention to our breath is one of the easiest and best tool we can access at any time. Give your breath your full attention for just a minute, and then check in with yourself. Repeat as much as needed!
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Use Distraction Tactics
- Engage in activities that will distract you from the distress
- Contribute in some way: often times it helps to take our attention off ourselves and find a way to help someone out. Give something to someone; hold a door open for someone; give someone a smile, etc.
- Think of others that may have it worse than you do. When we are in our own personal crisis it can seem like the worst thing ever, but typically there are people who are worse off in some way.
- Do something that creates a different emotion. Watch a funny movie, listen to inspiring music.
- Bookmark the situation. We don’t have to deal with things right away. Pause and come back when you think you’re ready…but you do need to come back to the issue.
- Use coping thoughts, keep sayings and prayers around that help you feel better. Think of things that you enjoy and people you love.
- Get some of the energy out in some way, perhaps though exercising or a nice bubble bath.
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Use your 5 senses to soothe yourself
- Using your five-senses (smell, sight, hearing, taste, and touch) will give you some simple relaxing and soothing activities that are easily utilized. So if one of these activities doesn’t help you feel relaxed, or makes you feel worse, don’t do it. Try something else. And remember, each one of us is different. For example, some people will become more relaxed by listening to music and others will find that taking a hot bubble bath works for them.
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Find ways to improve the moment
- Use imagery to help you soothe. Imagine things going well. Imagine yourself coping well. Use imagery in your meditations to watch your stressors float away for now.
- Create meaning, purpose, or value in the pain. When we can do this it can help us cope.
- Pray or meditate
- Relaxation exercises, massages, deep breaths.
- Take one thing at a time. This is how anything gets done. One step at a time. Sometimes anxiety comes up because we are trying to take on too much at once. Pick one step and then take the next when you can.
- Take a mental vacation. Find a place when you won’t be disturbed and take 20 minutes to an hour to just have “me time.”
- Be your own cheerleader.
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Complete a pros and cons list
- Thinking of Pros and Cons consists of thinking about the positive and negative aspects of tolerating distress and the positive and negative aspects of not tolerating it. Accepting reality and tolerating distress can lead to better outcomes in the long run, as compared to rejecting reality and refusing to tolerate distress which may pay off in the short term.
