If you know me you know that I love Alanis Morrissette. Alanis has a fabulous song called Precious Illusions. I love it because it speaks to ideas that we cling to illusions in our mind that we believe will bring us happiness or safety. The chorus goes:
“These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was defenseless, And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends.”
This chorus, to me, speaks to how our brain works as we go through life. Our brain is a very efficient machine, and it is also a very trusting machine. Two things to keep in mind: Our brain cannot tell the difference between our thoughts and reality, and the brain likes to know why something is happening the way it is happening.
The Development of Illusions
I think we all could agree that being a child and growing up in a grown-up world can be confusing. Remember that our brains do not like confusing.
Now, imagine that as a young person I ask my mom or dad for a toy when we are out and about. Little do I know, my parent is having a terrible day! They turn to me and abruptly and sharply tell me no and express their frustration towards me asking for something.
Ouch! That did not feel good. Why did that happen? The brain gets to work on trying to solve this problem.
Aha! I know! It’s not okay to ask for things that you want.
So, now I have established a rule in my mind that helps protect me from the pain of someone’s anger. Rules such as: If I don’t ask for things that I want, others cannot get upset at me; I won’t burden others by asking for things; If I want something I will just have to get it myself; my wants or needs are less important than others; or, all of the above.
Now, you might think this is an extreme example, but there are often pivotal moments in our lives that help us create rules which will hopefully keep up safe, emotionally.
Think about it. What are some rules that you have developed because you did not have all the information, and you created an illusion of safety around? If one does not come to you right away, keep digging. Those rules are in there, and we hang on to them throughout our life.
Parting With a Best Friend
Let’s go back to the concept of not asking for what I want in order to avoid other’s anger. I carry this rule with me throughout my life to avoid other’s anger and to avoid feeling disappointed, which are strong motivators to hang on to this rule. However, let’s think about how these rules, which once served us well start to work against us. If I never ask for what I want then others do not know what I want. I don’t allow others to show us that anger and disappointment are not inevitable, and I keep a distrust of others.
Once we recognize that the pain of holding on to these rules or illusions becomes greater than letting go of them we can start the process of letting go. Like Alanis said, parting with these illusions is like parting with invisible best friends. They have been by our side since we were young. But like most invisible best friends we get to an age or maturity when we realize they are not real.
The path to emotional integrity and harmony with your mind is through awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness. We begin to discover, for the first time, that our happiness in life has little to do with other people’s reactions and more to do with expressing our own joy. The rules the voice in your mind have you follow do not usually direct you to follow your heart and do what you love. Fortunately, there is a lot more to our being than just the thinking voice. We have many other dimensions that we can look to for guidance in overcoming the voice in our head and creating happiness in our life.
Let go of the Judgments about these Precious Illusions
The voice in your head has been doing the very best it could to guide you to be happy and successful. Understanding this is a big step towards quieting that voice. It will allow you to let go of your complaints and judgments about that voice. Recognizing that it did the very best that it could break the judgments you have about your mind. With an understanding that it never meant you any harm comes the opportunity for acceptance and compassion. Acceptance and compassion for your self is an important first step towards the redemption of the little voice that lives in your head.
Managing our Voice in Our Heads
- Where did my Voice Come from?
- Developed to help us feel emotionally safe & Happy
- Tried to help us avoid the emotional pain of punishment
- Remember: Our Voice Lives in the Past & projects ASSUMPTIONS of the future
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- Ittells us how to get rewarded with attention and love. “I should….”
- We Trust our voice more than anyone else.
- It gives us authority and power in our lives
- However, our voice is built upon faulty ASSUMPTIONS.
- Reality: Our voice does not know how to be happy.
- It’s FEAR based.
- Challenge the old rules
- Let go of the illusion of safety.
- The path to EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY is through
- AWARENESS: acknowledging our voices and be present with it.
- ACCEPTANCE: a compassionate, non-judgmental view of the world and ourselves.
- FORGIVENESS: Let go of resentments, Reflect and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Let yourself off of the hook.
Ready to let that old friendly voice go and start living in the present? Contact Jolene at Mindful Wellness Counseling, today!
