Most people fail to recognize the relationship between our thoughts, moods, and behaviors. Many cannot believe that their behavior could be shaped by their thoughts, or that their thoughts have any connection with how their mood ebbs and flows. So let’s look at a quick example to see how these are connected.
Case Study: Sam
Sam was a lonely man who had no significant other to share his feelings with or one who could love him unconditionally. This solitary life has made him extremely sad and stressed. Slowly he became a victim of depression. While he was at the bus stop, he noticed several couples sharing sweet moments and talks with one another. As he watched the couples holding hands or place their head on their partner’s shoulder, Sam started to experience feelings of deep anger and sadness.
While experiencing those feelings, Sam began thinking that almost everyone had someone special with them to make life beautiful, but he had nobody. He felt it was unfair that he was suffering from loneliness and depression while others were out there enjoying their lives. This, in turn, made him think that he was a complete loser and would never find someone who would fall in love with him. After he had these thoughts, he got up, feeling frustrated, left the bus stop and went home and sat on his bed feeling depressed.
Vicious Cycle
Sam experienced a situation at the subway where he saw couples that upset his mood and triggered thoughts that stated he was alone and a loser. He then reacted to the situation by getting up and escaping the unpleasant feelings, retreating back to his home, in isolation.
As thoughts are automatically produced in your head, you need to take a pause and reflect that you can be mindful of your feelings and behaviors that come from those thoughts. It is also important to recognize that your mood is affected by precisely what you are thinking; you never stay emotionally in one particular place for a long time. Your mood is always altering and you cannot avoid it. You experience a variety of interactions and events continuously in a day that triggers your thought process, which ultimately creates corresponding feelings.
So how can I better manage my negative thinking?
- Realize decisions you make when you are depressed or stressed aren’t rational. Wait for your mood to regulate before deciding something.
- Work to become aware of your thoughts spinning towards different problems. These thoughts take us outside of our present moment. Learn to live in the present.
- Evaluate your negative thoughts by weighing the thought against the fact that there could be any other possibility.
- Focus on the facts of the situation. Use a balanced thought approach by finding evidence that supports and does not support your current thoughts.
- Engage in behavioral experiments that test your negative automatic thinking. By doing so we evaluate underlying assumptions and beliefs and help reduce the likelihood of future vulnerability.
- Assume you are invited to a party by your office colleague. The first thought is you will have a bad time there and nobody would want to talk to you. However, you go to the party and you find you feel very uncomfortable there as nobody comes up to speak to you. However, you have not attempted to walk up to someone and introduce yourself.
- A constructive behavioral experiment would be to attend the party and make an effort to mingle. Using balanced thoughts and harnessing the scientist inside you look at your negative predictions and evaluate them.
- Keep note of the thoughts that float in your mind
- Make note of who you talked to, what happened, how you felt, and what you did at the party.
- Compare your negative feelings from the beginning of the party against your feelings at the end of the party. The hope is that you see improvement.
Be a Scientist
To accomplish the goal of improving our beliefs and thoughts we have to understand the relationship between all of it. The automatic thoughts we have are instant, and the negative ones are distorted beliefs about ourselves or the situations we perceive. The process of change can be slow, but it is one worth taking. Take a curious approach to your moods and behaviors. Be a scientist or a detective and work to find the best solution to live a healthier life.
If you are ready to be a scientist and want to take back control of your emotions, contact Jolene at Mindful Wellness Counseling to set up your free 15-minute consultation.
